When To Fertilize My Apple Treees

Wisdom in

Wisdom in Chats

I set out to investigate how web surfers behave before

this magic box called "chat" I started chatting

ago many years, I can not remember how many, but then

was the only way to communicate with ... (to anyone because I did not

no known), then additive was useless, learned to chat

with a software named "Dr Abuse" was all

viejillo

sympathetic gave one the impression of talking to

another idiot and was one himself who answered, it led

conversation (until now I hear) but hey, spent

time (always the case: that time passes) and now I have a

group of real people who are virtual friends ... very select

indeed and I appreciate the best times (at least at work)

and I can sit with them to exchange ideas for hours, there

have left many "jewels" of which I shape around here.

However, in many systems the way I used to chat almost

the first was "skype", very versatile and adjustable to

needs of the time (what we used to make fun of

head) until we discovered the cursed systems

company ... so we had to chat secretly

or blocked such as skype us, what we did was to create

a piece of text and place it in a strategic network

internal workplace, so we spent the messages, then

forgive us ... and we turn again

internet ... came the "mesenguer" (which I said "mazinger") and

the "gugletalko" and there we performed real orgies cyber

sometimes confused as one and had many windows open

at the same time, sent compliments to a friend

muscular

grumpy, rather than some girl who came dressed very suggestively

... and arming a disaster, it also happened that

sent to me ... would be to fool a colleague and

message went wherever the good people and submissive partner,

but it was changing the friends were running, it was

losing touch with the best of that time chatters

everything was running low, chat boxes were scarce

their

letters, there were contacts, dry and cold offline,

a while but here, I walked in "feisbuk" and

surprise! ... there are all the "unlucky" How are

navegancias old fellow? (Missing two or three, but that

is irrelevant) for certain that yesterday one of my friends wrote

and here the conversation:

cyberfriends: you tell me again? Jag

: scallops who invited me to a page "VIP"

cyberfriends: well!

Jag: what right?, Porn was not anywhere ...

cyberfriends: you must learn to "private" does not always mean porn

Jag: yeah, but then?

cyberfriends: Neither a girl you invite to your home

means sex ... and I happened ...

Jag: That is true, I also happened to me ... (although many

times if it meant sex ... and I have not dao count!)

In conclusion, in chat rooms pretty good ideas come to you ...

but then forget them and what you do is write crap.

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Chats Cochina Recipes

Cochina Recipes

"Recipe" is a CETA repeated? No, but what today brings me

here, at least to me is that I am pleased to announce that due

the crisis is affecting us (well, the affects Column

crisis since the beginning (not the crisis, Column ,)) is that I decided to enter

in the business of the recipe long ago I had proposed

but lacking a good idea, I had not, however, I

found a very simple recipe on the package of a mayonnaise

let's see if I remember because I threw the package and has passed the truck

garbage ... I told her to leave three bags ... but we go on:

To prepare the following recipe (which I forgot how to pitch and

called) need a few ingredients, including: chicken, fish

(must "catch" the chicken with a bait, I guess), beans, parsley,

"Gil Perez" Thyme, Rosemary, Chopped ... (this!) garlic, spices ,

no-condiments and salt ... (then left) and I realized I was ...

but obviously was, so I went back inside, take

chicken (take the legs, do not take like syrup) and

if you've seen the movie do not make Mr. Magoo ... what he did

with chicken, it began to dance, you have to do is cover

of salsa ... (do not mention what the sauce?) well, you invent

sauce and wrap the chicken in it, then baked for thirty minutes

... take it out and fixing that is still raw and get back to

(baked chicken) after calculating that has been cooked, take it out, or better

extract it, to sound more professional, cover it with

Thyme and Thyme ... but it was taking their names, then

we only have the beans (what the hell is that?) and Gil Perez, but

Gil is also tired of waiting for the blessed fish chicken

(or was it a fish too chicken?) (thank goodness it was not female, as

we had seen a problem with the censors) and was also

chilled please, enough for one serving (one serving of chicken ")

ah, I forgot, adhiéranle ... no ... aderécenlo with adquiéranle

brought mayonnaise recipe which, incidentally, I can not say the brand

because I charged the ad or do I that I have to cash it

?, well, no, but I hope the little fish they have been

to suck eggs ... I say, fingers, and remember to always

say this phrase has already become in my "battle horse" ...

say, workhorse: Column Decline ever ... (Zeus forbid)

publish anything interesting ...

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Rock Critic

Rock Critic

The day I was invited to a meeting of correspondents

renowned magazine "Meta Jamer "(I thought had to go to

"jamar something") I was in the bathroom and the phone rang about ten

times before I could c ... answer the call, I was invited

to listen new production of a Russian group (without aturuzar

nothing anywhere) were the producer of the magazine, correspondent, photographer

and myself going from nosy, help with the critical

got to the studio where we were three members of

it was the guitarist, drummer and one of the vocalists (who were

two, but one was not) we got comfortable and we were served a drink

could not determine that it was, then the woman

put

disc in the player (in the CD player and tapes)

then the lights went out and got ready to hear the "demo"

What that is? Would find out soon began a melody that was

more "melo" that day, the track was lucky number one album

(Happy, because he had "said" before) then, not

was a taste for the piece and half minutes after ringing

correspondent of the magazine was changed and I thought ...

was not possible to know music was as if I spent half part

started the second, this time thirty seconds of introduction and

Russian singing voice like a track played backwards , does not understand

or potato (do not understand English, unless Russian) and when I thought

know

saying that the song changed again, I made a gesture

correspondent ... would not leave alone the "forward"? or

is called ... the third was a bit different rhythm, he began to take

when the fool a taste of the correspondent, it changed again

put this epic ... the fourth began violent with the deep voice

(I guess the woman who was with us then looked at her and held

a chuckle of satisfaction (holding it was not to

fall)), but two or three verses after the idiot changed

again, and I could not take the fifth, for the fifth time's the charm

and pushed the reporter brawling (removing crepes ) with

justified irritation:

- why not leave quietly and allow this team to play a track

whole? -

- because it's a demo! - I said sorry for the push

- a demo? ... a demo-nio!, when you go Nah, you touch holding

change- me

"That is not going to pretend to hear all this crap

dis ... - in that he realized that the three members of the

band (the lavender, aroma who used to clean the floor) began to see

to scowl, and they had an athletic body that

of the journal looking at each other began the race (the most

"ran" was the "run"-correspondents), I for my part , I asked group to

kindly a copy of the disc, because I never like to hear

things by halves, those of the "Metal Jamer" I have not called back

to help them to criticize another disk ...

Tapeworm And Swollen Eyelids

Rites "Very-sulmanes" Em-dressing

Rites "Very-sulmanes"

Wishing not to disrespect anyone (well yes, a bit) I

refer to the burial rites of the religion of Islam, which

as we all know is the one that worships the "Islams" (ie to be

that) but seeing on TV (I repeat: I leave that habit)

antics series that make someone who is no longer given

account

nothing (with the case that Osama "Well bark") is

other nonsense and how do I attract the business without the slightest sense,

try to explain step by step the above rite (Rita's husband ...)

First of all say that the dead man must be well presentable to

There meeting ... (read Allah) (A la pucha ... I do not know how to spell)

bañadito then you should go and perfumadito, what happens is that if the deceased

forgot to bathe before palm, it should make other

outside their person ... this is the most uncomfortable, because that

lazy bathe someone, I would not do ... but I think we should bathe

with clothes on, because it says that after bathing it must be said

a sentence and change his clothes in a sheet ... this sheet

once and then rolling it put another three more to

sheets

it looks like a cigar ... but it should be rolled ... (well, if

rolled the body died, and not have to work hard)

in a special way: three right turns, two left

back, "cinnamon" and back again, because in these bounds is

can leave (the dead), then tie it with three chords and

let stand thirty minutes ... then moved to the subject ( While

"subject", that does not fall) into the pit burial, namely: the hole, then

there, he released the ropes and dropped right side of the body

(no matter if it was left handed), but must remain in

a position to look toward Mecca (I-ca ... and that's going to be

impossible, because the dead no longer are), yet must be

direction of the town, however, if you bury this

side of the globe, will not be able to see into Mecca, because as

earth is round (yes, yes, I know you have said it is flat) but

no, I know it is round, once I saw it on "Animal Planet" , said

that as the earth is round, then it will not be able to

straight to Mecca, if any curved line, after

is placed in the hole, he put up a good heavy stones

sure that it can not get out again, and finally they throw the

earth (radius not, that you can take a fist and throw in

a tomb) to end this profound explanation, just tell

not that why all this talk went on television

if at that Osama was thrown into the sea and they saved all

entanglement that ...

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Em-dressing

Why if clothing, no clothing "undressing"?,

now with this heat going to have to get off the latter, all

this: How to refer to when you say "the meeting is to go on clothing

to" dress "? and you get a T-shirt and jeans and you are seeing

like, "where did this?" but really come "dressed"

not come naked ... (and less because I am very shameful shameful bland "

no ..." penudo "... no, no, I'm ashamed to publicly show

still dressed, less undressed ...) also say "casual" or that

by "accident" litter clothes ... delve into the subject, you can reach

the conclusion that there are many different types of clothing and curious

no matter the color, if not its form, not that I'm designer

(which God forbid) but if I've seen (and "seen" too) (to be

to build a confusion with that word) some pretty outlandish clothes

is all in the street, but what caught my attention are

shirts that are placed on the "mentally divergent" (because it is prohibited

say "crazy") (ay!, I said ...) they sleeves consist of a very long

, I imagined that the lunatics are growing at

arms reach some

degree of "divergence" I've also noticed that have

buttons on the back, that is cruel, after that they are not good

head, still buttoning a shirt and must be very uncomfortable,

(of course, for that have rather long arms) the other day I saw on TV

(that's why I do not like watching TV) is a thing called "corrida de toros" and I

believing that was a movie three x zoophilic (or siífilica)

and bulls nothing to "run" to the announcer said the bull

had "em-dressed" to an unsuspecting ... What does this mean? ... I rather

I saw was that it lifted the bull came out in underwear, or what

correct was that the "unemployed" dressed "in its horns, the bull looked funny

the pants of "charge" of the type hung on the horns ...

I say why go to these events so dangerous? should not

be nothing more terrible than a "fuck" a bull, but worse when

the "catch" the maje one ... and alternative "caught" me or "take"

I like my coffee, but the issue of coffee and later touch it (which

if you play back, I can be angry) and I'm leaving because I dreamed I was

to work without pants and I have really set me if I bring

on ...

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Story for People with Attention Deficit (or CPGDA)

Story for People with Attention Deficit

(or CPGDA)

I went to the doctor for some days been experiencing a

modesty ... (say, a nuisance ...) what happens is that I could not

identify the symptoms, the way I tried to think of them

doctor is not difficult to get the diagnosis, but there is a

difference between sick for thirty years to now, thirty years

you should go where the doctor to know you had, now

you know you have to go to the doctor, the matter is that when I

the doctor (with complex "Cheis" the Dr House) looks me

up and down and ask me about it? to which I reply: "I come

to just that, to see that I have-

" No, you need to know exactly what has to be able to tell ... -

-¿???. .. Well, is that in these last days I have not felt very well,

Sometimes, I feel that something I need, then I have a lot, others

forgot something and in that swing, I feel dizzy and vomiting ... -

- How long will this happen? -

"Since last Monday,

- How many times have you vomited? -

I do not know, I was so busy throwing up, which I have not counted ... -

- but how many exactly? -

-A blast (in every sense of the word) -

"Tell me a number-

- From 1 to 10? -

"No, of times you have vomited-

-Ah ... mmm ... eight hundred? -

And the doctor says: "Eight hundred vomited ..." and continues:

- Has been with diarrhea? -

"Yes, but Andrea says that I do not want to see more-

- Andrea What is this? -

-Nah, you told me ... -

-Diarrhea, understand: diarrhea-

"Well, all my" herd " day, is that at night I do not go, because

if not, I also arriarían night ... -

-Stop, stop, stop ... what is he talking about? - (this line is the doctor

case had been lost)

-I know, you do not need a surgeon like me ... -

"I did not like that movie, Cyrano ... -

" That, " Without year "no ... hell! and it is hitting me ... -

"Yes, I think the trouble is that it is contagious ... -

"You

you need is a psychiatrist-

" I have told me a lot, but they are very expensive-

Finally, a doctor who is honest with me and tells me

truly

sufferings in my normal, everyday life: it always tell stories

unsuitable for people with attention deficit disorder

(or CCNAPPCSDDA) here the advantage is that with this can make a

free trial to see if Nah, you have that bad: read one of my

stories and if you lose ... is that if you have ... if you lose, it's a

totally healthy and normal person, which is not a bargain

these dark days ... (or blind)

in the end I told the doctor to continue with my pills

little calm and undisturbed ... this is not going to happen ...

Wood Wind And The Sea

Day Labour

I waiting to arrive for not working what do you think? ... Fell Sunday

and Dominic (my godfather) falls when you least expect it, another day of

more work to be so wasted worse, because on Sunday I

never work then there was no difference, nor wanted to spend

for Monday holiday, at least not to come to work today,

I'm dying of boredom

... ("you" Uncle "is the husband of" apathy ") can analyze

why we must work, because if we had to, not

would "work day" and we lose that holiday (in fact I

it lost yesterday, anyway it would not work (although we already said))

supposedly in those ancient times (when there were no controls remote

) Adam and Eve did not have to work, because all the products, the market

had them monopolized, then had everything on hand, but

go kill some animal or fruit to grill implied a certain

effort, so Eva, tired of harvesting and cooking (not washing because

at that time could walk if not clothes and took him prisoner for misconduct

to

moral) decided to seek a means to "palm the snake"

all the time ... and it was the snake that after slapping her

alone, was to propose a business to Eva, who was to sell

apples as at that time there was the metric system, not

knew what a hectare then sold the land for "apples"

which they say are six thousand nine hundred and eighty meters

quadrupeds

each, however, to Yavés not like they were divided its

and selling farms undeveloped lots, so he cursed and forced

real work for the rest of life ... and now, as we have

, we have to pay the chorizo \u200b\u200band working ...

guilt we have, Nah, you tell me? That's why they invented the

Labor Day, not having to work, although it sounds strange, more

well that day should be the only one working, but there is

there is, in other domains as Gossips say, this day of work

we celebrate killing Bin Laden, remember that ten years

, gave about twenty thousand dollar reward to give

reports that would lead to his whereabouts , would you give that money to which threw him overboard?

(well, he was cast into the water after he was killed ... say), but no:

read better, I learned that the messenger who accused him,

also blew the lid ... the brain, thus saving the twenty thousand dollars

of reward ask me what I think the death of Bin Laden

? I reply: I only complain of having wasted another day

work, listening to rebound the idiocies of the "beatification of

Juan Pablo II (reloaded)", the "royal wedding", false wedding

death

this madman, Now we just need to ask me about politics and

football in my country ... pa 'finish to fix ...